Anxiety

Why Does No One Like Me? 7 Ideas to Consider If You Feel Nobody Likes You

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You're lovable.

And people do like you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Still, your feelings are your feelings.

And you need a bit of help to understand what's behind the question:

"Why does no one like me?"

Today, you're going to learn some of the common reasons that make someone unlikeable.

But most importantly, you're going to figure out what this question means to you.

It's only when you know your own meaning that you can do something about what troubles you.

First, What's Really Behind the Question "Why Does No One Like Me?"

When I was in high school and college--and if I'm being honest, well into my twenties--there were times that I thought no one liked me.

But as I started to learn about mental health, I realized that my mind was playing tricks on me.

I also learned that I'm a very anxious person by nature and that my mind bends towards the depressive side of things.

This is just the reality of my genetics and general disposition.

The more I thought about my life and how I was growing up, the more I realized that I have a very critical voice inside of my head.

My self-talk, historically, has been really bad.

And that's just it.

It was my self-talk that was setting the grand stage for others to enter.

The way I talked to myself and beat myself up was the starting point from which all other people entered my mind.

This is step one when trying to figure out why no one likes you--and if that statement is even true.

You must pick apart your own inner voice, the way that you talk to yourself.

So, how do you talk to yourself most days?

Is your voice one of anxiety?

Of loneliness?

Maybe it's one of insecurity or of great unworthiness?

Before you can have a healthy relationship with others, you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself.

And this all starts with how you refer to yourself.

It's one of the best social skills you can learn.

So, what are you really asking when you ask, "Why does nobody like me?"

It could be that not a single person in the world likes you, but the odds of that just aren't very good.

What's more likely is that you have issues with yourself.

What are those issues?

And how are they impacting you in your day-to-day life?

It's only after you take the time to think about how you really feel about yourself that you're ready to understand the reasons people may not like you.

Because here's the thing, when I was younger, there were people who definitely did not like me.

But that's also true now.

I just was too selfish in my youth to understand how my own thoughts and behaviors impacted how others felt about me.

I was blind to my own impact in life. Because I was focusing on my own self-deprecating way of being.

But this isn't the reason you're here. You still want to understand if there are things that you're doing that make you unlikable.

Even though I failed to be successfully introspective when I was younger, I've always been obsessed with why people do what they do.

And what follows are the behaviors that hold true for me when it comes to why people aren't likable--and, perhaps, why people don't like you from time to time.

It's up to you to determine if these behaviors are true in your own life.

You're Taking Up Too Much Space

Think about the relationships in your life that drain you.

Think about the people who annoy you the most.

What's so bad about them?

One of the biggest reasons they annoy you, I would guess, is that these people take up too much space.

That's not always a bad thing, but the phrase is usually used in the negative sense.

People who take up too much space tend to talk only about themselves and their own interests.

They don't ask questions.

They don't dominate conversations because there's no conversation in the first place. It's just them talking and putting on a show, even if they don't realize it.

Are you doing this?

It doesn't have to be with words.

It can be with actions as well.

Maybe you're always joking around when other people want to be serious.

Maybe your moods are so heavy that people can't stand to be around you.

I'm not trying to alarm you--I'm just trying to bring your own truths to awareness.

It's your own truths that you have to discover because only then can you make a change.

You're Wrong About the Whole Thing

Before we get carried away, it's important to point out that you might be wrong about the whole thing.

Mental health is a complicated swamp. There are good and bad things stuck in it all of the time.

And maybe, just maybe, you are blinded by a swarm of negative thoughts and behaviors that are clouding your view.

Feeling like no one likes you is a symptom of several mental health conditions.

It could be that your brain is wired in a way to make feelings of self-doubt or loneliness more likely.

Consider this, for instance: there could be people in your life who think their relationship / friendship with you is wonderful.

But if you feel no one likes you, it negates the entire thing.

This is why self-awareness is so important.

If you don't know yourself, you can't know what you need to do to improve yourself.

What you need to do is gather as much evidence as possible, from as many varied sources as possible.

What do people who know you best think?

Would they say you're the kind of person to view your life negatively?

How would your best friend or closest family member describe the voice you use to talk about yourself?

Would they say you have a critical voice?

If this is the case, don't judge it.

Just continue to bring your self-talk to awareness.

Mindfulness and meditation were what I used to begin to notice all the times I trashed myself in my mind.

Maybe that could work for you as well.

Your self-relationship is the foundation of all your other relationships.

Social Media Has Changed the Way You Think and Warped Your Social Skills

We like to think of all new technology as good.

Cal Newport writes about this frequently.

His books Deep Work and Digital Minimalism have had a profound impact on my life.

They describe how the shallow nature of social media makes us believe that we know people when we really don't.

Social media also warps our social skills, our coping skills, our people skills, and our perception of reality.

You can think that someone has the perfect life on Facebook or Instagram, but maybe they hate themselves deep down.

In fact, I've found that the more people try to paint a happy picture on their social media profiles, the more they're actually struggling.

The happiest people don't need to try so hard to show others that they are happy.

Also, people will say anything on social media.

It's easy to put on a fake persona when you are behind a screen.

This is especially true on social media platforms where people don't need to use their real names.

So you really, truly need to take whatever you see or read on social media with a grain of salt. It's not real.

It's a fantasy land that our brains weren't designed to handle.

Your Attitude Repels Others

Still, all this being said, there's a chance that the way you act in life makes it hard for others to be around you.

By now, I hope you know that this blog post is not about pointing out your flaws.

It's about helping you figure out what is true for you.

Attitude is everything in life.

If you can maintain a positive, uplifting attitude, you can weather almost any storm.

But if your attitude is dark and gloomy, you soon become the storm that others want to avoid.

Take some time this week to think about your typical attitude.

This will be easier if you've already spent time thinking about the way you talk to yourself because your attitude is an extension of your thoughts.

Your self-talk creates your mood, which causes your behavior.

You're Specifically Worried About the Romantic Relationship (Why Does Nobody Like Me Romantically?)

There's a special case that I need to highlight.

Now, I'm certainly not a love doctor. I'm one weird dude who just happened to find one equally weird woman who likes me for me.

I never thought it would happen.

But I do know that love can cause you to lose your damn mind.

Sometimes, what happens--or doesn't happen--in a romantic relationship can color the way you see the whole world.

If you haven't had a reciprocal relationship in your love life, it's tempting to automatically declare that everyone hates you.

Conversely, if you feel like you've had an amazing relationship with a significant other, you might feel the whole world feels the same way that your partner did or does, even if that is far from the truth.

That's why I emphasize over and over how important it is to improve your self-awareness skills so that you can construct the most accurate reality as is humanly possible.

Here's what you need to know. 

Romantic relationships--or a lack thereof--don't define you.

You are a person outside of them and always will be.

Sure, you could find a partner who makes you better in every possible way, but you're still the you who has to live your life.

Just keep in mind that the heightened emotions of a romantic relationship can drastically alter the reality of how you feel about yourself.

Your Values, Interests, or Behaviors Don't Align With the People You Hang Out With

Here's an interesting idea.

What if you are spending time with people who aren't a good match for you?

What if the real issue is this, that who you are is fundamentally opposed to the people you spend the most time with?

Then the next step would be to find a new social group.

When I was in college and in my twenties I had plenty of people in my life who I realize now were only situational friends and acquaintances.

There are many definitions of friendship, and not all people are going to be in your life forever.

As you get older, your values morph and evolve until they eventually solidify.

Your interests change.

And, through it all, your behavior inevitably changes as well.

Take a good look at the social situations you put yourself in.

Do they still serve you?

Or do you need to put yourself in different social environments?

Because...

Maybe You're Changing Your Life for the Better

Because finally, maybe the fact that you feel people don't like you is a really good thing.

Maybe the fact that you are your own worst critic is not always the worst thing in the world.

You know your life best, and maybe the fact that you think no one likes you is a sign that you are changing--and changing for the better.

Consider a previous relationship you've had, one that is now well in the past.

Why is that person no longer in your life?

Usually, the people we leave behind are ones who weren't good for us in the first place.

There are lessons to be learned from everything.

And the questions we ask ourselves, even the ones that are seemingly negative, are the springboards we need for building relationships that fuel us and propel us forward.

Could this be the opportunity you're looking for?

Maybe you're changing for the better?

Have you ever considered that?

Confidence is built little by little, data point by data point. Each one, however small, increases your self-awareness.

So saying "nobody likes me..." could be the reality that stops you in your tracks.

Or it could be the beginning of a new reality, one of your own conscious making, and one that is carrying you off to bigger and better things.

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