Unhappy? End Inauthenticity and Learn to Deal With Fake People
I need to get something off my chest.
I hate when people are inauthentic.
Whatever you want to call it--faking it, not being true to yourself, playing a role--you can just tell when a person is not being honest with the world around them.
In this issue, I'm going to give some straight talk about authenticity and why I think it's so critically important if you want to have good mental health.
Authenticity --> Trust --> Mental Health
Who would you rather trust?
A person who puts her heart on the line and bares her soul for the world to see, or a person who tells a different story to every person she meets?
For me, that is a no-brainer.
Authenticity comes down to trust. And trust is at the heart of every good relationship.
I've lived through all kinds of situations, and the people I've come to trust are always the people who back up their words with corresponding actions. It doesn't take more than one or two white lies for me to put my guard up and question if lies are also being told about the bigger things. Examples abound, and I'm sure you can think of several in your life as well.
- Someone talks about holding people to high standards but doesn't apply the same standards to himself.
- Another person says all the right things but doesn't put half as much effort into actually doing them.
Being inauthentic comes in all shapes and sizes. It can start off small but grow imperceptibly in the darkness until it becomes a mountain of doubt and misplaced trust.
And this lack of trust gets to the heart of the issue of having good mental health. Mental health requires balance. It needs common understanding to thrive.
Without trust, that simply isn't possible.
Now let's look at what needs to happen to bring more authenticity into your life.
How to End Inauthenticity and Deal With Fake People/ Increase Your Authenticity
I want you to think about something.
I want you to consider the top three relationships you have in your life.
And now I want you to consider why you consider them great relationships in the first place.
If I had to guess, I would say that part of your reasoning has to do with the fact that you can be authentic, that you can be yourself when you're around the people you identified in your mind just now.
Being authentic is a sacred thing. In a world that awards celebrity status to "influencers," people who are famous just for adopting a certain persona, it can seem like being authentic is simply not worth your effort.
I strongly encourage you to not follow that train of thought. Instead, I want you to hop on a train heading the opposite direction, into unscripted, uncharted territory.
I want you to know, with every fiber of your being, that you need authenticity. You need it like you need water and air. Because authenticity has the fluidity of water and the inflating power of the swiftest currents of air.
Here's how to get more of that good authenticity into your life.
The Authenticity-Increasing Process (5 Steps)
Authenticity is a journey. It's not a one-time, once-and-for-all kind of action.
To bring more authenticity into your life, you need to treat your life like the journey that it is. You need a methodical approach to get you the results that you need.
You may not follow these steps in this exact order, but if you do follow these steps at all, I guarantee you will create more freedom to be yourself. As a result, you'll attract that same kind of energy and relationships into your life.
1. Identify the people, the relationships, and the situations that make you happiest.
There's a good chance that they are also the times when you are being most authentic.
2. Do an 80/20 analysis of how you currently spend your time.
What are the 20% of people and situations that bring you 80% of the joy? You don't have to have a deep understanding of the Pareto Principle AKA the 80/20 rule to see this pattern come up again and again in life.
3. Avoid situations that force you to be someone else.
You don't actually have to put on a show for others. You don't actually need to don a cape and be a superhero that you don't even want to be in the first place.
4. Ask yourself why you place yourself in authentic situations.
Is it because of fear? Is it because of anxiety? Do you not want to let people down? Are you trying to uphold an unrealistic standard for yourself?
5. Commit to a change.
Most changes don't happen because of a gradual easing. Most changes happen because you commit to them fully--you actually make a decision to change. It's this kind of mindset that accompanies goal-setting. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Put Yourself (Your True Self) First
I'm being somewhat confrontational with this issue because I truly believe in what I'm saying. I've seen the damaging effect that lack of authenticity has had on my own life, and I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Because what is life if you can't be yourself?
So take this information and try it out in your life. Better yet, adopt an attitude that you are going to choose yourself in this lifetime and not let others determine the quality of your life for you.
Healthy relationships are critical if you want to have the chance of good mental health. And what's the foundation of healthy relationships?
And to get trust you need?
You guessed it. Authenticity.
Be the person only you can be.